Hello lovely people,
I know I haven’t been writing in some time, but don’t worry. I’m fine. Incredibly fine, to be honest.
The reason I haven’t blogged for two weeks is the best of all.
I am finally writing again.
I mean, I have been writing all the time. Morning pages, prayers, occasional diary/journal entries. But now, I am writing full force again.
I don’t know why I can do it again all of a sudden. I am working on what was a short story entitled “Death be not proud” (that’s the title and the first line of a beautiful poem written by John Donne), but it has gotten much longer since the last two weeks – more than 15 pages. I love what I write. I love writing.
I started a new journal on the 8th of February and carry it around with me wherever I go, together with a black pen. I finished my old journal and I love that I am doing this, because I stopped for about two years and missed it terribly, sometimes without noticing it.
I finished my old journal (which lasted two years, because I had long pauses between the entries) and started a new one, made of three notebooks glued together, and I am loving it. I try out new stuff in my journal. I make lists, I stick in stuff, like postcards, stickers, I put quotes in there I love and I have printed out “Currently” lists and filled out two of them already. I filled up almost a third in less than three weeks.
Somehow, there was a lot of good stuff coming together, and suddenly, I could write again. This good stuff included
- becoming more organised for my early mornings to make them go as smoothly as possible
- developing the habit of not turning on the computer in the morning before I leave the house (very relaxing!)
- finding the wonderful music of Fiona Apple (listen to “Paper Bag” and try not to love it!)
Additionally, I typed “journaling” into the search box of youtube one evening (just for fun) and was overwhelmed with the huge amount of people how journaled, showed their collections of journals and notebooks. I have always collected notebooks and I have always spent my pocket money on notebooks that spoke to me.
This video (go check it out. Now!) made me pull out my box of filled-up journals and morning pages books and prayer journals and then I experienced a real epiphany, because I suddenly realised that I have been journaling for 17 years now. It’s not all journaling, but also morning pages, prayers, poetry … All kinds of stuff. A second, smaller shock came when I realised that I had continued writing small things like songs and poetry since 2012 while I was convinced that I hadn’t written at all and couldn’t do it anymore.
Sorry if this is all very jumbled up and pure rambling (it probably is), but I simply feel like I have been numb and asleep and if something dead has just been resurrected in me. Writing makes me feel alive and I have been enjoying this a lot during the last weeks.
There is still knitting going on! I’ll show you soon, I’ll promise! Little M. loved her socks and they fit her beautifully.
But for now – I give you this (and I am wondering whether you like it, but truth be told: I do. And this is all what matters right now):
Over the years
I’ve changed a lot.
I took a twelve-step-course
over broken glass
Lost my wings and re-grew them.
My body has altered.
It was ugly once, and is now unique and beautiful.
I disembowelled myself and gave birth to a healthy new me
Out of my ashes
I stood, naked.
I can see all the colours now,
and most of the hidden patterns.
I have gone for a quest with the help of God
deep hidden in my heart.
I’ll see you soon, my friends! I love you. 😀